我真傻真天真

A little space of mine

The things that happened on Monday still feels so surreal to me now.
I really received the most unexpected results.
It was so shocking that i was stunt for a few seconds.
Actually the first thing that came to me was not the numbers of As that i got.
Neither was the overall results that i got.
It was the huge C in my results slip.
Read my blog post in a critical manner, it may be a very good results to many but i just need somewhere to pen down my thoughts.
The C really strucked me because my favourite language failed me once again.
I was really disappointed with myself.
For both A Levels and O Levels, my results didn't do justice at all.
Maybe it was because i'm just non-comparable with the PRC/i literally screwed my paper 1 and summary.
My love for chinese got me very good results in school exams but never during national exams except for PSLE.
No one can understand that feeling.
Even though so many people told me that getting B for GP is better than getting B for GSC since i'm considering business and social science but they don't know how i truly feel.
After the few seconds of staring at the C, i finally saw my other grades.
Yet another round of shock.
GP-B. Till now i still feel that the examiners marked wrongly.
How can i fare equally as well as the 2 Eunices in my class who is so much better than me in English.
In really don't know how that came by.
Maybe because examiner likes Aung San Suu Kyi/Malala/Halima Yaccob/Lee Kuan Yew.
I really don't know, my paper 1 and 2 was filled with politics i can still clearly rmbr.
This few days, i kept thinking of the days where i had twice weekly consultations with Ms Chew,
chionging all her GP homework like some mad woman during weekends, got laughed by my classmates at my broken English, made a fool of myself out of everything.
I thank all these events which made me a more confident speaker today.
Who still clearly rmbrs how sucky my English was when i first entered JC, i can't even speak a proper sentence.
Thanks all that helped me through and forced me to speak English to them.
All the hardwork and effort put in was worthwhile.
I really got a B that i NEVER imagined.
To me, a C is already a great gift from Heaven.
From a S student throughout my 2 years in JC, till i got a D in prelims and lastly a B in A's.
That was the reason that got me crying for 3 times that day. I was so glad actually.

Got an A for Maths, that was what i hoped for actually.
My maths results was like sitting on a swing, sometimes good sometimes bad.
My tuition teacher also 拿我没辙.
Mr Yong once said that: Clarissa what happened to you?
You are my potential A student, but your results from last year till now....
I told him that i was defeated by the countless failure in my maths test and exams
but he said: It's okay, i still see the spark in you.
That was after prelims where i passed everything except for Maths.
I worked hard for maths, my tuition teacher worked equally hard as well.
For the 4 years teaching me, she never once gave up on me.
My fundamentals were so lousy and she really picked me from scratch and slowly brought me up.
She special methods of teaching makes me learn and think in different ways.
I really thank her for being my teacher and my friend.
We have so many things in common and that's why we really clicked well.
I know that she's really happy for me and i also owe to her the 3 As that i got for E Maths, A Maths and H2 Maths. Thank You Liting.

Econs was a self-study subject for me all along and i think i don't owe my A to anyone.
It is a subject that i truly love and get all the logic behind it haha!
Honestly speaking the Econs lectures and tutorials were rather sucky but i guess Ms Tan really drills concept into your mind and she nags till you remember what she says during exams.
But in the first place you must get the basics right.
I memorised and internalized econs concept and that's how i scored i guess.
Getting an S and being the 90th percentile in the cohort is my once in a life-time experience.
Imagine the top student gets a B, she 100th percentile, i got S but 90th percentile haha!

That pretty much sums up my Monday.
I guess Monday really took too much of my energy, i was so restless and shag for the whole work week.
Dealing with office politics also made me so frustrated and the endless workload that my bosses are giving me.
I'm really considering to switch job after my contract ends.
I guess the only time when i'm really happy is the time when i'm with my temps.
They really are the ones that make my day and make me feel fortunate taking up this job.
Some of my mentor and seniors are really nice, i also thank them for all the reminders and guidance given to me so far.
Another 2 more months to go and hopefully no one else quits, Gerome's absence is making us so sad already..

I've always been a very self-motivated person, and i'll continue to do so because i know that the world is very practical and we need to see the cruel truth.

Clarissa★